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Mar 15

I Wanna Talk About Me — And I Invite You to Talk About YOU! (Thank You Toby Keith!)

iStock_000010410527XSmallAs I was going to pick up my daughter from school the other day, I was searching through radio stations to find a song that I wanted to listen to.  I happened upon a quite humorous country song called I Wanna Talk About Me by Toby Keith.  As I was driving along cracking up at the lyrics, the grain of truth regarding how we all need to talk about ourselves at least sometimes,  really struck me.

Follow this link to hear the song and see the lyrics:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS_2RRQZodw

As silly as this song is, it got me thinking about how the parents of kids in treatment almost never talk about themselves, and if they do, it is still in the context of their child.  And yes, I know that Toby isn’t singing about parents in this song, and yet we all need to do just what he is singing about.  We need to talk about what we think, what we like, what we know, what we want, what we see, and more.  (Ok, yes I borrowed a lot of that sentence from the song lyrics.)

In all seriousness, it has been said many times in many ways, that ‘the best thing we can do for our children is to focus on ourselves’.  But how can we do that if we don’t TALK ABOUT US?  As counter-intuitive as it may seem, we all should be singing along with Toby — I Wanna Talk About MEE-HEE-EEE!

When our child is in treatment there is so much we parents need to talk about regarding our own journey, but we often put ourselves and our needs at the bottom of the list.  So now I invite you to follow Toby’s lead, and go ahead and do just that.  There are friends, clergy, therapist and coaches, support groups, and family who all would be happy listen to you TALK ABOUT YOU!  I urge you to find that right person, and start TALKING!

It is definitely not selfish to do so, even though it may seem that way at first, and it is by no means silly like this song makes it seem!  The more we ‘talk about us’, what we think, what we like, what we know, what we want, what we see, the better we will become to then in turn help others.  Everybody wins.

Thank you, Toby Keith, for the inspiration!

 

 

Lyrics to the chorus: I Wanna Talk about Me

By Toby Keith

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about meeeeee
I wanna talk about me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

39 comments

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  1. Martha Giffen

    This is good advice, no matter what the situation. Talking cleanses the soul. Great tip!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thanks Martha. So many people tend to isolate when something goes wrong in their lives that I thought it might be worth restating what most of us already know in a slightly humorous way!

  2. Angela

    I love this blog post. Talking helps purge your soul. I know. The past five years we have been through some major stuff in our family and when it starts weighing on me, I talk it out in big bursts of words. It really works! It can be exhausting but it is well worth it.

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Angela,

      So true. I am glad you were able to ‘get it out’. Many don’t, they just keep it all in. Very toxic….

      This is just part of what I do as a coach. We talk about whatever is going on, and then progress to the point where life is totally enjoyable in spite of the situation that people find themselves in. Good stuff. I love it.

      Thank you for your comment Angela!

  3. Explode Your Business ONLINE @Norma Doiron

    Talking clears our mind and cleanses the soul. BUT, I must say that we have to examine the reason why… Great post!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Agreed. Examining the reasons why is where a real shift can occur. Thanks Norma!

  4. BettyLou

    Thanks so much for posting this critical information ….I have a daughter in law in treatment and it is hard on the whole family…..what a long haul it has been….Thanks…keep up the wonderful work!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Hi BettyLou,

      For sure it is almost always a long haul and certainly has an effect on every person in the family. That ‘effect’ on the family, especially parents, is what my coaching practice is all about. I have found that while a family member is in treatment, whatever attention the parents/families get is still centered around the person in treatment, and does not address what the personal needs of the parents and families are.

      My hope is that you and your family are taking maximum care of yourselves while your daughter-in-law is getting the help she needs.

      Thanks for sharing BettyLou!

  5. Tom H

    Talking is definitely a cathartic activity that helps release unneeded baggage from the psyche. I think folks should also find multiple outlets such as hobbies, exercise and self-development. Becoming a multi-faceted person makes you immune to loss /failures. Great information and discussion, Leslie!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Right on Tom. I am all about self-development for parents of kids in treatment in their own right. And yes that includes talking, and so much more. Finding, or perhaps rediscovering, their own true potential enables them to live their own lives more fully in the midst of whatever is going on in their family. And oh by the way, that by default helps their child too! We have to love that win-win scenario!

      Thank you Tom!

  6. Alexandra McAllister

    Very important information, Leslie! I agree, talking does cleanse the soul! Thanks so much for sharing! :)

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thank you Alexandra,

      Yes, boy is it great to get something that is bugging us off of our minds! Beautiful….

  7. Shari

    I love the inspiration for the post and I appreciate the message of the post itself. This is a great way to approach an important subject: with respect and a light touch.

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Shari,

      Thanks for making that observation. Yes I try as best I can, since my subject matter with my clients is so heavy duty, to try to sometimes approach things in a lighter and respectfully humorous way. It just gives us a little breather, which is often needed.

      Cheers!

  8. Meryl Hershey Beck

    I love that you give parents permission to talk about themselves and reinforcing that talking about yourself is not selfish but can be helpful in keeping healthy. This is excellent information that most parents need to hear ;)

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Meryl,

      Thanks and yes I am all about giving that permission. I want to dispel that myth that parents should focus only on the child in need, and never on themselves in order not to feel guilty about it. It is counter-intuitive and yet critical in the tough times!

  9. Sherie

    It reminds me of the old adage to put your own oxygen mask on first…then you can take care of your children, too. We don’t do anyone any good if we don’t look after ourselves. Great post!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Sherie,

      You nailed it. That is exactly what I am talking about — putting your own oxygen mask on first. Perfect analogy!

      Thank you!

  10. Erin

    I totally agree. Talking cleanses and frees the soul. I also gotta say I LOVE Toby Keith and this song of his!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Erin,

      I agree. Who can’t help but grin at least a little when they here that song? The humor, as well as the talking, is healing also!

      Thanks again Toby!

  11. Carolyn Hughes

    Talking and getting support is so important. Love your message of self-care and self-love. Thank you!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thanks Carolyn,

      Yes that is the essence of what my coaching practice is all about – the self development for parents of kids going through a rough time with self-care and self-love being at the heart of that.

      And perhaps one day I will be able to write about that as beautifully as you do!! You are very gifted in that way.

      Cheers, and thanks for the comment.

  12. Pat Moon

    When reading this article I thought about how it is to talk to my mom-n-law, 97 yrs old with dementia, and starting to be that way with my own mom, 92 1/2 yrs old. They are neither very good about starting or participating in a conversation so I must make conversation. That means talking about myself and what is going on in my life. I try to throw in questions but often get ‘I don’t remember’ or just a very brief answer so then it is back to talking about me or my husband or our children who are all meaningful people in their lives.
    I am also reminded of our grandchildren asking us to tell them stories about their parents when they were growing up.. they are interested in knowing about that side of their parents.
    BTW, great song;-)

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Pat,

      You bring up a slightly different slant, but equally important way to look at talking about yourself and how healing it can be. Sounds like a tough situation with the elderly in your life right now, and it looks like that you are getting ample talking about you time! And you are right those, little grandchildren love to hear stories like that, and it is so good for them!

      Thanks for commenting. cheers!

  13. Moira Hutchison

    This is a great article – I agree that it is really important for people to talk about what’s going on for them – regardless of what’s going on with the other people in there lives. Talking about yourself is a form of self-acceptance and self-care. Thanks for the fun lyrics :).

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Yes, and that is what I am really going for here – self-acceptance and self-care. And a bit of light-hearted humor and perhaps somemuch needed humor as well.

      Thanks Miora!

  14. MamaRed

    Too funny Leslie…why? Because I chuckle every time I hear that song. Thanks for reminding me of it and what self care looks like!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thank you MamaRed. Yes, Toby has a great voice and probably a pretty good sense of humor as well.

      Cheers.

  15. Daniele Holmberg

    Communication is key. I agree it is just as important to talk about what is going on with yourself as it is to be a good listener. Great post! Music really does help us to define our thoughts and feelings. It is pretty amazing!

  16. Leslie Ferris

    Yes Daniele, amazing indeed. I have heard it said that the world would be dead without music. I don’t know if that is true or not, but it certainly would be a drastically different place. Music has great therapeutic qualities for both the listener and the performer/writer. Good all the way around!

  17. Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com

    Fantastic post, Leslie!! Gosh I remember those days when all I could talk about was my various loved ones and what they had or had not done in relation to their drinking. I had no idea of a “me.” This is such an important message – most definitely sharing it!! Thank you!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thanks Lisa, so glad you have such a good idea of ‘you’ now, and that you are helping so many other people do the same!

  18. Sharon O'Day

    This would pertain to anyone in a caretaker situation, Leslie, where for the caretakers to talk about themselves … and “steal” time from focusing on the people being cared for … seems selfish. But staying silent may well be a major causes of burnout. In short, that form of being “selfish” may ultimately be the best thing for all … especially the ones being cared for.

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Well said Sharon. Yes this concept certainly does extend past just those parents with kids having troubles. Thanks for bringing that point out!

  19. Cathy Taughinbaugh

    Hi Leslie,

    Talking helps us ease our fears and shares our story. Many parents with kids in treatment feel isolated with their situation. The best thing they can do is to talk about how we are feeling and get support from others. Great post!

  20. Yvonne

    As long as you also listen!!
    Having been through my fiancees cancer last year (he is fine now!) we had a lot of people that stopped by to check in and see how he’s doing and more than once his/our story became theirs. And suddenly we were the once listening to their problems…
    It’s always a give and take!

  21. Helena Bowers

    I love that song! Sometimes I think we forget that we have wants and needs and things to say that are important to us. I know I did, and when my son was grown and the husband gone, I had to learn all over again to talk about me and what I wanted out of life. Great post!

  22. Herby Bell

    Leslie,

    A courageous post where emotional intelligence is an elective course in this culture. I think of Gabor Maté’s work discussing “attunement”–or lack of same with our parents/children. If we can’t “see” each other by disclosing what it’s like to be “me”…well, we’re seeing what happens. Thank you Leslie and thank you, Toby!

  23. Jody Lamb

    Amen, Leslie! Song lyrics can be incredibly moving. They’ve inspired many aha moments for me, too.

    What a great message here. It is SO easy to lose sight of yourself in the midst of the chaos that surrounds addiction or other problems in families. It’s very important for people to recognize that when they return their focus to themselves, that the entire situation improves. Thanks for the reminder.

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