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Feb 18

Parents of Struggling Kids: What Are You Tolerating?

tolerating

What are you tolerating today?

As parents of troubled kids, it seems like we wind up tolerating a lot, right?  It could be anything from messy rooms, to drugs found in the house, to the milk left out to spoil, or argumentative language from our kids.  The list could be endless.  It might be anything really, anything that makes us even a little upset, anxious, feeling dissonance, or just plain wanting to get away from it.  If we are feeling any of those things, we might be tolerating something that isn’t quite right for us.  And that is worth examining.

As many of you know, I love quotes and often like to include one in my blog.  However when I went out to google search quotes about tolerating, I only was able to find quotes that promote tolerance, and it occurred to me that the meaning of ‘tolerating’ in those quotes is not really what I am talking about here.   So don’t get me wrong, I am all for tolerance of people and/or situations different from my own, be it race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.  That kind of tolerating is not my topic here!  (Just wanted to make that clear…)

What I am talking about is what we put up with on a regular basis that bugs us, irritates us, that if we could change, we would.  What are those things for you?

You might wonder why I am asking, why this is even worth mentioning.  Well, because it can be a good place to start, that’s why.  As you may know, I am all about helping the parents of struggling kids.  And I know for a fact that working on oneself when our kids are struggling winds up to be the best thing we can do for ourselves and our kids.  Oh what a beautiful thing that is!  I love the twofer, the double-whammy of it!  If you are tolerating something that isn’t the best for you, there is a really good chance it might not be good for others too.  Voila!

So I ask you, what are you tolerating?  I would love to hear it!  Please share in the comments section below.

 

Leslie Ferris is a Certified and Credentialed Parent and Life Coach

Serving the parents of struggling tweens, teens, and young adults

Contact her today for your 1/2 complimentary discussion to explore what life coaching can do for you.

Connect with her via her website at http://www.phase2foryou.com

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8 comments

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  1. Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com

    This question is SUCH a good place to start, Leslie! I know myself I kept pushing the “what I tolerate” boundary further and further out because I’d never stopped to face the fact that what one tolerates would be unacceptable in just about any other circumstance but we tolerate it because we’re afraid of it being a “real” problem when it comes to substance misuse. I love your work, Leslie, and admire your ability to share important insights that can help those struggling with a loved one’s substance misuse – this line, is a case in point, ” If you are tolerating something that isn’t the best for you, there is a really good chance it might not be good for others too.”

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thanks Lisa. Yes, we do tend justify what we tolerate to fit the situation, don’t we? Just another aspect of it that we have to look I guess!

  2. Bill White, Licensed Counselor

    I’m with you, Leslie. Finding ourselves in the middle of a “tolerating challenge” presents a prime opportunity to take a loooong look within. So, hmmm, what am I tolerating? Well, it doesn’t really have anything to do with the theme of your blog; however, I toss it out there. I am daily tolerating emotional/mental health clinicians who care more about their therapy manuals and organizational protocol than they do about being with their client in the moment. I’m often shocked at the degree of heartlessness. There, I feel better now. And now to taking that loooong look within. You do tons of good here, Leslie – and you can bet I’ll keep coming back. Thank you…
    Bill

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thanks so much Bill for stopping around today. Yes I can see how what you are tolerating is troublesome. Being in the moment with the client seems critical to doing the best work possible, so yes – frustrating! This ‘what are you tolerating’ question is pretty universal actually, right? It does not at all necessarily have to do with being the parent of a struggling child. :) I have to ask myself the same in every situation sometimes and we all are tolerating something. It’s just “what is it???” Cheers Bill, and thanks again.

  3. Cathy Taughinbaugh

    Great question, Leslie. Sometime we let things build up and don’t examine our lives and what we are tolerating that we shouldn’t be. This is a question I need to ask myself and honestly I don’t have a good answer at the moment. Wonderful reminder though to take a look and think about you are putting up with that is getting you down and you may not even realize it. Take care!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thanks Cathy, yes this certainly applies to us all, and not just for those parents of troubled kids! Thanks for stopping by!!!

  4. Jody

    Good point. I’ve personally witnessed a whole lot of tolerating of bad behavior by parents who seem to have just given up any ability to control their children. I have a relative who tolerates her 10-year-old daughter’s complete dismissal of everything she should be doing (going to bed on time, turning off the computer when she’s told, etc.). My relative will nag and nag but she never approaches the situation in any remotely productive way so the child simply continues and blocks out the nagging. Those are the moments in which I do not envy being a parent. It’s hard!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Yes, it really is hard, and it can wear us out. Perhaps this is what is going on with your relative, who knows. IF she could get on the other side of it where she can place boundaries and consequences around the child, things would start to change and it would be sooooo much better for both of them!!

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