Jan 27

Parents Of Struggling Kids: How Well Do You Know Yourself?


Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung

As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you – the first time around.” ―  Oprah Winfrey

Much has been written on the topic of knowing yourself since the time of the ancient philosophers.   Aristotle said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom “.  Absolutely, increased self-awareness has vast benefit.   And here are 3 big ones that can apply to everyone, and especially to parents of struggling kids:

  1. We can take care of ourselves better.  To know ourselves is to become more clear about what we need, what makes us feel healthy and good, and to realize that the best thing we can do for those we love is to take care of ourselves.  There is no better gift to our loved ones than to personally be all we can be – physically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually.  To be sure, we can’t give to anyone else what we don’t have ourselves.  (Download a great audio and workbook set for more on this topic! – click HERE)
  2. We can interpret our own reactions much better.   This will increase our chances of doing the most productive thing during trying times.  Without a doubt, with struggling kids, there can be plenty to react to.   The more we are in tune with our reactions, the better we can anticipate them, giving us a better chance of responding appropriately when the opportunity arises.  Great stuff. 
  3. We will know our boundaries and can hold them more firmly.  The more we become aware of who we are, what our core values are, and who and what we want and need in our lives, the easier it will become to know what our boundaries should be for ourselves and for our kids.  And the further good news is that once we are firm on what our boundaries should be, it is a lot easier to hold them!  And especially in working with troubled kids, boundaries can be quite a challenge.  So to get clarity on having and holding boundaries is mighty useful to all! 

And so I urge you to start on the journey of increased self-awareness in whatever way suites you best.

Are you unsure about how to get started?   Check out my Resilient Parenting Process, which utilizes the Energy Leadership Index Assessment and Debriefing as the kick start to your new self-awareness journey.  This assessment/discovery process alone will be an eye opening experience, worth it 100 times over for you personally – as well as for your role as a parent!  Contact me today to set up your assessment.

What are your revelations about self-awareness, and how has it help you move forward in a positive way in your life?  Please share in the comments section below!


Leslie Ferris is a Certified and Credentialed Life Coach

Serving the parents of struggling tweens, teens, and young adults

Contact her today for your 1/2 complimentary discussion to explore what life coaching can do for you.

Connect with her via her website at http://www.phase2foryou.com

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/Phase2ForYou

Twitter:  https://twitter.com/Leslie_Ferris

LinkedIn:   www.linkedin.com/in/leslieferris/

Click here for the Audio and Workbook – 4 Giant Pitfalls to Avoid While Your Child Is In Recovery


Skip to comment form

  1. Bill White, Licensed Counselor

    Nice post, Leslie. Yep, don’t see how we can do much – at least fulfilling – if we ignore the self-awareness piece. ‘Course there are those who don’t ignore it; however, have it all wrong : ( I particularly like #3: We will know our boundaries and hold them more firmly.” The boundaries neck of the woods is huge in my area of specialty – the mood and anxiety disorders. And self-awareness is so important for parents of struggling teens/young adults. By the way, your assessment offer is valuable – I’d encourage those who’d like to begin their journey to contact you. Good ‘ole common sense, right? How could we ever hope to be of positive impact in someone else’s life, if we haven’t an idea as to who we are? Thank you, Leslie…

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thanks Bill, yes a lot of it is common sense, and the assessment that I give adds a framework for looking at ourselves in a pretty sensible way – I love it. And number 3 is my favorite also!. Cheers. :)

  2. Cathy Taughinbaugh

    Great message here, Leslie. When our kids are struggling, it makes the difference to take care of ourselves. It seems counter intuitive, yet it can make the difference for all concerned. Thank for the always needed reminder!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Thanks Cathy. Yes, as you say first things first, and great way to begin to take care of ourselves is to know ourselves – what works for us and what doesn’t! Thanks for stopping by…

  3. Beth Wilson

    Well done, Leslie! I love reading your work; you get down to brass tacks and call a spade a spade–but in a loving and gentle way!

    This sentence: “To know ourselves is to become more clear about what we need, what makes us feel healthy and good, and to realize that the best thing we can do for those we love is to take care of ourselves” is the very thing that drove a wedge between some of my family members and me. They have a totally different perspective on life than I do and one of their values is self-sacrifice is the sword we should hold the highest. Fine for them . . . I chose a different path. They don’t support me and I’ve grown okay with that.

    Thank you for validating MY values. Keep up the good work!

    1. Leslie Ferris

      Beth, thanks for sharing that. I have found, like you have, that the only real way to care for others in a totally genuine way that will not ultimately drain us, is to make sure we are taken care of in the best way also. This takes awareness, and not just ‘falling on the sword’ as you put it! Good for you. Keep on truckin’ – and doing all you do for so many. Thanks Beth!

  4. Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com

    This is excellent, Leslie. I know for myself, I didn’t really start the journey to get to know myself until i was around 50 and didn’t even realize how out of touch with my true self I really was… It took work around all three of your points with a therapist who specialized in helping family members of addicts/alcoholics, participation in a 12-step program for family members of alcoholics and a great deal of research. But it has and continues to be so worth the effort!! Thanks for your wonderful work, Leslie!

  5. Leslie Ferris

    And bingo Lisa, you are a perfect example – right there – of someone who has become aware of how to take care of yourself and hold boundaries. And voila! — you wind up having the wherewithall and the energy to help all of the people that help, every day. Thanks for being my perfect example!! Love that….

  6. Jordan

    Thanks for sharing this. Self-reflection is such an important step that all people need to do more often. It’s especially necessary in knowing boundaries.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

WordPress Backup